health

Why Am I Doing This Again??

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The beautiful Mt Tamalpais trails!

There are times during a training run when I ask myself “why am I doing this to myself?” It’s painful beyond belief. It can be disheartening and exhausting, lonely and maddening all at once. And I don’t have the answers. All I know is that I want to push myself. I want to go farther than I ever have before. Maybe it’s my ego that drives me to things I probably shouldn’t, or maybe a sense of adventure. It could be insanity, I’m not sure what it is, but here I am, less than two weeks away from what is the hardest race of my life, The Ridge, 37K.

It won’t be the longest race of my life, but it will be the most difficult. 23 miles, 5400 feet elevation gain, I’m frightened. And after my long run this past Sunday, I don’t feel any better. In fact, I feel a little worse about the whole affair. If it were a little farther off, I might defer it, but I don’t want to lose my entry fee.

So, I go forward, fear and all.

This past Sunday I ran a 17-mile trail run that didn’t go as planned. Many things went wrong. I don’t own a car and I wanted to get up to the Mt Tamalpais area where part of my race will be, so I had to take two different bus systems to get there. I didn’t get started running until 9:00am, so much later than I wanted to, so it was getting warm by then. It took two hours of bus rides and waiting for buses. I was impatient to get going.

The first part of the run was great. There were technical trails filled with roots and rocks, so I had to pay attention to every step and take it slow. But I missed the trail I wanted to take and wound up going down another trail. I didn’t think it would matter because according to the map, I could easily switch over to a trail in the next valley. Unfortunately, that trail was inaccessible. I had to double back up a mile and a half a steep trail without much shade.

I thought about quitting and just taking the Dipsea Trail back to San Rafael, but somehow, I kept going, finding the trail I originally wanted and going down that for a few miles. But, by that time, if I had kept going, it would be far more miles than I wanted to go, so I would up climbing through the fence of the closed trail, crossing a creek on slippery thin logs, I did NOT slip (!!) and getting stung by stinging nettles. It was worth it! Better than doing too many miles.

I finished this training run down the endless steps of Dipsea, waiting for the Golden Gate Transit bus #17. The southward route back home took three hours.

I’ve questioned my sanity these last couple of days. Why am I doing this? I don’t have an answer. If I finish this race, I’ll let you know then.

Keep Moving Forward!

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I think I brought home more dirt than I left! 

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SELF-FULFILLING PROPHESIES

I’m gearing up for The Ridge 37k Trail Race in a little less than three weeks. I ran a 14-mile trail run this past Sunday and I’ll get in an 18 or 19-mile trail run this Sunday. I feel good, I wasn’t too sore afterwards and I got some strength training (lifting) in last night at the gym.

It was another quiet morning in the Marin Headlands Sunday. The weather was cold, windy and foggy, again. I know I should be happy it wasn’t hot like the rest of the country, but I really dislike being cold. The good part about cooler weather is there are less people and the animals come out.

So, the coyote in the below pictures was just standing in the path as I came up to him, relaxed as can be. He was chill. It was as if he was would say “Sup, Dude?”

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I clapped my hands and shouted for him to get away. He sauntered off a few feet, stretched and proceeded to clean himself, without a care in the world. I smiled, took a few pictures; unlike the mountain lion I saw a couple weeks ago, he wasn’t in any hurry to run away; and kept running. That was cool and I loved the rest of my run as well.

As I run these long, relatively quiet runs in the hills, I think of a lot of things. This time I thought about how some people don’t seem to understand how what they think determines who they will act.

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Self-fulfilling prophesies are very real. If I don’t believe I can accomplish a goal, it probably won’t happen, at least not in the way I wish it would. I have a much greater chance of finishing a goal successfully if I positively reinforce myself from beginning to end. Many beginning runners, especially if they start running later in life, don’t have much self-confidence. Perhaps they are overweight, very shy, afraid of looking foolish, afraid they will fail, afraid they won’t fail. There are a lot of reasons we talk down to ourselves, none of them will help us.

Running is a long term, lifelong venture. It takes months to learn and years to become good. Sometimes new runners don’t understand how much work it takes and become discouraged, it happens. But if they stick with it and maintain a positive attitude and an open mind, all the while learning how to be a better runner, they can also find out how magnificent a sport it is.

But this will never happen if the runner thinks starting out that they’ll always be slow, that they’ll always be a terrible runner, blah blah blah blah…..

None of us know what the future will bring. None of us know what our running will be like. Don’t limit your future by closing the doors and windows of your mind. Open them all up! Enjoy the journey, enjoy running!

Keep Moving Forward!

Taking Personal Inventory

One very important tool in my life I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous is the 10th Step of the 12 Steps.

10) Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it.

Nothing will derail my life faster than pride and the anger that follows my disappointment in the way I have acted. Nothing will make me feel worse than the realization I have not followed my way of eating or not done a workout properly and wound up hurt the next day or spent too much money on something I shouldn’t have and so that I have nothing left in my checking account for the rest of the week until payday.

All of these scenarios came into play for me over the last couple of days. They were all because I messed up in one way or another. I blame no one but myself. But, I’m not going to hang my head in shame. I know I made mistakes and I know how to correct them and I know how not to do them again in the future. The grownup thing to do would, of course, not repeat these mistakes. So, time to be a grown up, Martha! Time to rise up and act somewhere around your age!

We have a choice, to wallow in our pity, sorrowful over the life we created, angry at the world, blaming everyone but the one person we should and refusing to correct those errors and move on, because wheres’s the fun in that? Forgiving ourselves would mean no more self pitying! And being stuck in a personal pity party just seems like the thing to do!

At least in the short run it does. But in the long run it isn’t. It’s painful and destructive. I’m done with that. Living, really loving and living life is about shedding that which has caused harm and moving towards the light, where things grow bright and strong.

Keep Moving Forwards!

 

UNTIL WE MEET ON THE TRAIL…

The running community lost a great one yesterday. Kelvin Reid is a well-known fixture in the trail and ultra running world. He logged thousands of miles, all while smiling and sharing his positive radiance. I never met him in person, though I consider him a friend through our Facebook correspondences and love of running. Everyone who knew him, or knew of him, are heartbroken today.

Kelvin suffered from ALS and even through the horrendous suffering, he maintained his trademarked sense of humor and optimism. Like always, his loving wife and running partner Jess was by his side. She is also a running warrior, strong through and through.

This article in Ultrarunner was just released today and I wanted to share it with you. May you always find the trails you so dearly loved, Ultra Cowboy, we miss you, Kelvin.

https://ultrarunning.com/featured/facing-lifes-battles/

 

Keep Moving Forward!

 

 

Life’s Hurdles

One of the very worst nightmares a renter in San Francisco has is of losing their apartment. Even with rent control, we still fear for our lives that someday, we won’t have our coveted living space. San Francisco is a tiny area, surrounded on three sides by water. I won’t get into the politics or history, except to say that because things are what they are, apartment prices are some of the highest in the US, studios renting for around $2500 to $3,000 a month.

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View of SF from the Coastal Trail

There are so many new people moving into the city from all across the globe every year, most being employed in the tech industry, that anyone who isn’t making tons of money, is soon priced out of the housing market.

It hit close to me a couple weeks ago when I found out my landlord is selling the building. My stomach sunk an I felt like getting sick. It was very stressful for a while there, but things have gotten better. I have since learned that being old, I not only have rent control, but I also have protected status, which will help immensely. And I do not think that the new landlord, if he does indeed buy the building, will be able to tear down the building or get rid of us without paying us A LOT first.

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One of my favorite trails, 2 miles of blissful downhill!

OK, so that’s the stress I’ve been dealing with these days. Thank goodness I have running. It doesn’t make everything wonderful, but it gives me a respite for a little while and takes the edge off, and it’s a lot healthier than shots of whiskey.

I have a few races coming up later this month and June, so it’s important to keep up with my training and I have my first 50k in October, so increasing my mileage is vital. I haven’t been very good about my eating, so I’ve gained a few pounds. Losing those will be added, as I get more focused on training.

My runs have been pretty good. I Yesterday, I went for a nice trail run in the Marin Headlands. Even after taking a wrong trail and having to climb up a very steep hillside, past thick groves of poison oak, I enjoyed myself. Few things feel as good as pushing myself as hard as I can on the trails. I came home, tired and hungry, but satisfied.

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Wildflowers

I choose to not allow worry and stress dominate my life. Bad things happen, as do the positive. It is all part of a balanced existence. But it will not affect my health. If I fall, I get back up, again and again and again.

Keep Moving Forward!

BE GOOD TO YOU

One of the great errs in our modern world is that everything is taken at the personal level. We get upset so easily and allow our emotions to take over our lives. This is easy to see in running when we’ve had a bad day and don’t feel like going for our run. Instead, we punish ourselves by eating or drinking too much. Or maybe we don’t think we’re very good and keep seeing faster runners zip by us.

The greatest mistake we can make is believing the negativity about ourselves. It doesn’t matter who tries to tear us down; strangers, work, family or even yourself. You have to learn to turn it off. The only difference if it’s coming from you is you have to teach yourself that you are worthy of great things.

Maybe no one told you that you deserve big and wonderful things. Running gives you the chance to prove them all wrong. But first, you have to believe it yourself. You have to tell yourself that you are worth all the good things life extolls.

If you don’t believe it, no one will. So even you don’t think it’s true, it is time to start being positive about yourself. Tell yourself when you rise in the morning, how much you matter in the world. And remind yourself how much you matter before you sleep.

If no one else has told you today, I will tell you: YOU MATTER

Now, go run and be good to yourself!

Keep Moving Forward!

STOP BEING WEAK

There are a couple things in running that irritate me. One is walk/run types who stop ahead of me without notice and the other is irrational, hysterical fear of running outside (normally from females) by oneself.

It used to be in history that women never did anything by themselves. We were considered The Weaker Sex. We were good for staying home, taking care of the children, and cleaning the house. When women gained independence and free choice, it didn’t come without costs, of course in many areas. But I’m just talking about running here.

Crime in the United States is decreasing. We are safer than ever as a country. More women are running and more and more are running by themselves. This would have been unheard of in the 1960s even. But there are still many women who live in fear of being by themselves because they are glued to the nonstop storyline of how horrible it is for women.

I blame the media partially for this. They show the rare kipnapping, the attacks and recent violent crimes nightly on repeat. They do not tell you that crime numbers are declining. And even worse, are the dozens of dramatic television shows focusing on the violent abuse against women. Shows like Criminal Minds only help to magnify the myth of strangers out to prey on females. Viewers who still take their nightly news as truth believe everything fed to them. Their world looks like a monstrous, scary place. Stop watching this stuff if necessary, especially before bed. Watch some lightheated comedy instead.

Sometimes, it is the woman’s partner that exacerbates the situation. A husband tells his wife he doesn’t think it’s safe where she wants to run and unhappily, she doesn’t go running. There’s a lot at work here and definitely something that has to be talked out within the couple. All I’m going to say here is I’m very happy I’m single.

Running is about happiness to me and being fearful is the opposite. Running is also about confronting our fears and sometimes, we have to stare our fears in the face and tell them to Go The Fuck Away.

Now, I’m not saying to go run and not think. Bad things do happen, but if you run smart, you can run alone and enjoy it! Just be a smart solo runner. Here are some tips:

  • Know your surroundings. If possible walk or drive around the area you wish to run if you’ve never visited it before.
  • Wear visible clothing. Black may be cool, but bright colors are better.
  • Turn your music down so you can hear everything around you. But it’s good to have your phone with you
  • Don’t stop to give directions or chat with strangers. Pretend you didn’t hear them and keep running. As a city girl, this is something I do daily, but I don’t think country folk understand; it’s OK not to talk to everyone.
  • Run in the street if it’s quiet and unnerving
  • If it’s dark, always, always wear a headlamp, or some sort of light to see your way and that allows others to see you
  • Run opposite of traffic
  • If someone starts to bother you, scream obscenities at them, as loud as you can, attract attention
  • Bring a loud whistle
  • If you insist on carrying pepper spray, mace, etc, learn how to use it prior to need. Just having it won’t help if you do not have the instincts to use it in the seconds necessary.

We are Runners, not delicate flowers. Stop fearing the world. Be strong. Be fierce. And have fun.

Keep Moving Forward!

An Unfortunate Trend

I have a bone to pick with Runner’s World. OK, I have a few to pick with them recently, but I’ll only bring up one. I thought about this on my long run yesterday while preparing for my half coming up in a couple weeks.

The Javalina Jundred is a well-known ultra race in Arizona each year. It’s very popular and unfortunately, due to Runner’s World’s April, 2018 article “What Happens When You Really Show Up”, it’s about to get even more popular. The piece focuses on two female runners who have never run longer than a half marathon, and who can afford to hire a professional running coach to help them. In the end, they DNF. The moral of the RW story, they’re still winners.

How so, Runner’s World? I get the whole trying something new because they’re tired of their lives. I get it that they’re taking a giant leap, going for it, being brave. But they could also do that parachuting out of a plane. Sticking with that comparison, would they still be considered winners if their parachutes on that jump didn’t open? That would be a DNF.

The problem is that the two subjects of the story had never run longer than 13 miles and were going out for a 100k race, more than seven times longer. Those distances are worlds apart and they can’t be learned through a coach or a few months of practice runs. And much of the real learning doesn’t come from the physical act of running. There is so much mentally and emotionally going on in a super long race that these two know nothing about and no one can tell you about, so it’s much easier to give up. They would have had a taste of it had even one of them run a marathon previously. They didn’t know how their bodies would react, they didn’t know how their minds would react, they didn’t know if they were emotionally capable of finishing.

Jumping from shorter races to the longest of ultra races was unheard of a few years ago. Now, I see it more and more. Sometimes they work out great. Some people are born to run long mileage and they shine. Others are not so lucky and the steps they skip wind up hurting them. It happens mostly in novice runners. Newish runners, those who have only been running a year or two, will run a half, or not, and think that they can come back in four or five months and churn out a 50k or even an 100k. And then, bam, a week later, they’re injured. Maybe it’s my age and that I’ve been around running a long time, but I see no reason to rush into ultras; it’s the most difficult for a reason. And the only thing I can think of is it’s fashionable to do so. It’s hip and trendy to run ultras now, and that’s the sad truth that will leave many inexperienced runners injured.

I’m a linear thinker, so I would never, ever think of doing a 100k if I hadn’t done even a marathon before. OK, I could see maybe running a 50k. It’s not that much farther than a marathon. But even five or six more miles can seem like 100 if you’re exhausted from a distance you couldn’t dream of previously. Get used to longer races FIRST. Then get used to trail races and THEN go for the distance. Unless you want to do a one-off and don’t mind being injured for months or getting a DNF and still consider yourself a winner. Then, do what you want and nevermind what I say.

For the rest of us, Keep Moving Forward!

Some of my pictures from my run yesterday:

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LET THE LONG RUNS BEGIN!

Much has happened since my past post. I do apologize for not writing anything lately, but things have been busy. Good Busy. I finally feel my life is moving forwards…..

For the longest time, my life felt as if I was stuck in quicksand. Bills were piling up, new emergencies, new fires to put out, my weight loss was at a standstill, or even worse, moving the wrong direction and boom! The “Holidays” just mucked things up more, especially after I got one of the worst colds ever.

But I kept going and the pendulum, as it eventually does, swung in a positive direction.

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The path on Lincoln Blvd in the Presidio

I ran 10 miles this morning. The route I chose was tough, but I have a half marathon at the end of March that’s pretty tough. I started at Land’s End and ran through the trail on the backside of the Presidio down through Crissy Field, past the Marina Green, eventually ending at the Ferry Building on the Embarcadero.

The route has lots of uphills and stairs and it was cold and windy. I took a few small detours and ran through some of the World War II batteries that are scattered throughout the coastline. The only little pain I had was around Mile 6 when my right hip felt a bit sore. I stopped, did some squats and leg swings and it felt good the rest of the run. I feared that it was going to start acting up, but I fought through a little fatigue around Mile 8 and the last two miles were energizing. I could have run longer had I wanted.

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This view is only possible if you take a detour from the regular trail and go through the WWII batteries

My birthday is next Friday and I took the day off work. I plan to run in the Marin Headlands, which will be another tough run.

I’m happy, it’s been a good day.

Keep Moving Forward!

 

DO IT NOW!!!

I lay in bed last night, knowing that if I was going to actually get my cards in a row, I had to do it now, not a few days from now, but this week. Or at the very least, start doing things right.

It was pouring rain last night and I didn’t feel like walking to the gym. It’s abut a mile and a half walk and I usually love the walk through downtown San Francisco, but through the windy, cold pouring rain, I wasn’t up for it. And for the rest of the night and even today, I felt guilty for it. It was one workout, just one, that I missed.

The simple truth is, if I don’t put 10% effort into getting into prime shape and losing weight, I won’t lose it. I can’t go half-assed about this. I’m in my 50s and weight loss doesn’t happen without complete commitment. And I’m ready to commit to it.

I passed my Personal Trainers renewal Sunday. I had studied weeks for it. I was so happy, that I allowed myself too much celebration I think.

But it is time to put the effort into my training. And also, into this blog. So, my friends, the time is NOW. Don’t put anything off, don’t wait until it is too late!

Keep Moving Forward!